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SIX COMMON MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE IN RELATIONSHIPS
&
WHAT WOMEN SHOULD DO INSTEAD
In my ezines, I’ve been sharing with
you all the things you can do that will
allow you to have rockin’ relationships.
Let’s look at the other side -- the
mistakes you can make that will keep you
from having truly rockin’ relationships.
Then I’ll offer you suggestions on
how to turn those mistakes around. See if
any of these apply to you. If they do, please
realize you can change.
What
are the six most common mistakes women make
in relationships?
1.
Women have trouble saying NO, putting up
boundaries and sticking to them. For
example saying no to your boss who wants
you to work late. Saying NO to your boyfriend
who doesn’t want you to go out with
your friends, or wants to know where you’re
going and when you’ll be home. Saying
NO to a friend who wants to cry on your
shoulder when it’s your gym night.
The last ezine I wrote, “How to Say
No,” was all about this.
2.
Women tend to be NICE, but nice has its
price. Women don’t want to
offend anyone, so they don’t really
let people know how they’re feeling.
Also women don’t want things to be
messy, so we’ll tend to want to clean
things or people up. The problem is you
have to realize you can’t always clean
up other people’s messes. And life
isn’t always about being neat and
tidy.
3.
Women settle for crumbs in their romantic
relationships. Or they settle for the GOOD,
when they could have the GREAT.
4.
Women have lost touch with, or never gave
themselves permission, to be spicy, saucy
and hot!
5.
Women take things personally and that causes
them to react to what people say or do,
and to feel badly about themselves.
If a person is mean, nasty, rude, aloof,
angry or critical, you think you caused
that behavior. That often leads to feeling
unworthy. You think if someone treated you
that way, then you must deserve it.
6.
Women tend to let their negative self-talk
(their ego commentary) convince them they
aren’t desirable. And when
you think you aren’t desirable, you
won’t be. So either you’ll attract
someone who thinks you aren’t desirable,
or no one at all.
What Women Can Do Instead?
1.
Women need to learn that they have to say
NO and mean it. You have to get
clear about what works and doesn’t
work for you; let people know and then stick
to it. When you draw a boundary and hold
it then you’re training people that
you mean what you say. If you don’t
hold to it, then you’re training them
that they can talk you into doing what they
want you to do. They will keep after you
until you give in. Watch a two-year-old
wear down his mom when they want something.
2.
Women tend to be too nice. That has its
place, but men and other women will read
that, as you really don’t mean what
you’re saying, that you’re a
push over. They will think they
can talk you into doing it their way. So
if you’re nice to your boss when he
wants you to work late, he’ll read
that as you can be talked into working late.
And if you’re invested in being nice,
you’ll give up your plans and work
late. (I’m not suggesting you be mean
to your boss, just don’t be too nice.)
The
key is to be KIND and FIRM. If
you’re firm and say, "NO, tonight
I have to leave" and mean it, your
boss will back down.
The
same is true for boyfriends, husbands or
children. If you tell them kindly and firmly
that you are going out with your girlfriends
tonight and they have to fend for themselves,
they’ll be fine. If they get pouty,
they’re just trying to manipulate
you into staying home with them. Ignore
their pouty behavior.
Children
will try to get away with not picking up
their things, not doing their chores and
/ or their homework. If you’re kind
and firm, they will know you mean business.
You’ll want to also combine strong
boundaries with kind and firm. They’ll
eventually back down.
Life
becomes so much easier when you stand your
ground.
3.
Women need to realize they don’t have
to settle for just good. You can
have the great. I see so many women settling
for men who don’t really meet their
needs. You convince yourselves that you
might be alone the rest of your life so
you better be with this “good”
man. Instead what you want to do is to write
your list of your ideal partner qualities,
traits and characteristics. Use all your
past experiences. Turn any negatives into
positives. Then look at that list everyday
and daydream for 15 minutes about being
in a relationship with this wonderful person.
It works. If you do the list and the daydreaming
and don’t let any negative thoughts
block him from coming to you and connect
to Divine Source, it will happen.
4.
When women get back in touch with the part
of themselves that is spicy, saucy and hot,
they have so much more fun. They
feel so great about themselves. Jeannie
Cheatham a 79-year-old blues singer and
pianist is my role model. Today she’s
as spicy, saucy and hot as they come. You
will feel so alive when you get back in
touch with this energy. Put on a red dress,
listen to some great sassy music, go dancing,
start singing, do whatever works for you.
Just let it rip!
5.
Women take things personally. The truth
is nothing anyone does is personal. It’s
never about you. It’s ALWAYS about
them.
When
you learn this basic truth, then you will
be freer, have more fun and energy. Wayne
Dyer in his best-selling book, “The
Power of Intention,” talks about not
being offended. It’s only the ego
that gets offended. If you don’t take
things personally, then you won’t
get offended. You won’t get hurt or
angry. You won’t waste precious time
and energy being hurt or angry. Life brings
most of us things that will hurt and make
us angry, save your energy for those unavoidable
situations.
People
say and do things because of their own wounds.
So if someone is nasty it’s because
of something inside of them that hurts and
has them lash out. It’s not about
you. Get out of their energy field and you
won’t need to experience their negative
energy. If it’s a boss, then just
realize, “oh well, that’s just
the way she/he is. It has nothing to do
with me.” Try it and see what you
notice. It works.
6.
And last, but definitely not least, STOP
SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOURSELF.
Women do this all the time. And it’s
the single most destructive thing you can
do.
You
have a CHOICE to think positive things about
yourself or negative things. Let me say
that again. YOU HAVE A CHOICE WHAT TO THINK!
If
you’ve had a lot of practice thinking
negative things, then realize it’s
going to take a little time to change the
negative to the positive. But it doesn’t
have to take long. It’s a matter of
paying attention to what your mind (ego)
is saying and choosing not to listen to
it. Change it to something positive.
If
you think you aren’t desirable then
you won’t have a relationship. Or
if you’re in one, it won’t be
fulfilling and exciting; you’ll have
attracted someone who ends up thinking you’re
not desirable. Your thoughts create your
reality.
So
instead of making negative comments about
your nose, legs, stomach, intelligence or
education, focus on the good things about
you. If you can’t think of any, ask
a friend, parent, co-worker or sibling.
Listen and then choose to believe them.
YOU
HAVE A CHOICE. You can think positively
or negatively about yourself. It’s
nothing more than a choice.
You
can say NO, set boundaries, and be kind
and firm instead of “nice.”
You can choose to create and attract a great
man. You can choose to be spicy, saucy and
hot. You can choose to not take things personally.
And you can choose to think positive things
about yourself.
Imagine
the possibilities…
©
Carol Chanel
If you want to read more in-depth on any
of the topics I suggested in the main article,
you can read about them in my ezine archive.
http://www.carolchanel.com/rockin_relationships.html
“How
to Say No!” - April 20, 2007
“Why
Are You Settling For Crumbs?”
- Aril 6, 2007
“Nice
Has Its Price!” – March
23, 2007
“Spicy,
Saucy and Hot!” – March
8, 2007
“Let
Go of The Good, To Get The Great”
– February 1, 2007
“It’s
Not About You” – November
30, 2006
“What
Is Your Negative Self-Talk Doing To You?”
– May 18, 2004
I know you can have the life you dream of
and deeply desire! You are a child of Divine
Source and thus you are precious, important
and loved. And everything you ask for will
be given to you if you just keep believing.
I
teach people to overcome the obstacles that
keep them stuck yet longing for romantic
relationships, more self-confidence and
inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We
sometimes forget what it feels like to live
from our hearts and souls. We forget the
thrill of taking the brakes off and flying.
Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are
you - or someone you know - settling, for
less than exciting, either in relationships
or a career?
Call
me. You don't have to be stuck! And once
you are unstuck you can be joyful and free
again!
If you would like to explore working with
me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
You
can visit my website at:
http://www.carolchanel.com
You'll
find other articles there and more in-depth
information about both my services and me.
Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach
http://www.carolchanel.com
mailto: carolchanel@verizon.net
310-998-8860
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