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HOW'S
YOUR DATING LIFE?
Dating is challenging! It
can be fun, horrifying or heart palpitating. It can
also be all three combined on the same date.
So what can you do to enjoy
your dates more? What allows you to have more fun and
not end up sitting home thinking: “I’d rather
watch reruns of ‘The Gong Show’ than subject
myself to another dreadful date.”
STEPS TO HEALTHY, FUN DATING
First, you have to be healthy
yourself. There’s no getting around this one.
Then you have to want to date for the right reasons.
What are some “right”
reasons?
Fun, companionship, curiosity,
exploration, broadening your interests, learning how
to interact with new people and learning about yourself
through new people.
What are some “wrong”
reasons?
Acceptance, validation, adoration,
boredom, self-esteem enhancement, ego boosting, approval,
completion and s*x.
Often people I coach have
dating challenges because they are looking for a man
to validate, approve, and complete them or boost their
self-esteem.
As they learn to love, approve,
validate and complete themselves, then they can go to
the next step, which is dating with good boundaries.
S*X
I want to talk about this.
I advise against having s*x too soon in the dating process
for practical reasons. Women, and some men too, can
get attached to a man who they have s*x with. And if
you don’t really know who this person is and you
get attached, you could be doomed to the nightmare date
or boyfriend.
Give yourself time to really
get to know this person. If they are truly interested,
then they’ll wait. If they are only interested
in s*x, then it’s good to find that out in the
beginning. You could be saving yourself from the heartbreak
of dating a sex addict, or a commitment-phobic.
CLIENT EXAMPLE
One of my clients, I’ll
call her Maggie, hadn’t dated for about two years.
She had started a business and worked long days and
weekends. When she came to coaching she wanted to have
a personal life again.
I worked with her on setting
boundaries for shorter work hours, hiring some help,
exercising and eating a healthier diet.
Then she was ready to date.
She didn’t know anyone so she put her profile
and picture on a few internet dating services. Choosing
the right wording and the best picture to represent
her essence, she waited for some hits.
After some unpleasant dates,
she started to communicate more before she met them
in person. More emails, phone conversations. She picked
safe, neutral places. Coffee instead of drinks, so that
her mind was clear and she could maintain good boundaries.
She asked inquiring questions
that gave her an opportunity to get to know who this
man really was. Deeper, more personal information emerged.
Some examples of inquiries
are:
“What needs to be in
your life for you to have a full, rich life?”
“How do you get unstuck in your life?” “What’s
present when you are happiest?”
This type of interaction allowed
her to learn the “truth” about a man sooner.
She kept strong boundaries
around not having s*x with a man until she knew who
he was. That way she didn’t get attached to him.
She didn’t need him to approve or validate her,
she wanted to have fun, to have someone to share things
with; she wanted to explore and expand.
And she remained POSITIVE
that the right man was out there. She knew she needed
to be patient and enjoy the process.
Naturally, with a positive
attitude, the right reasons and good boundaries, she
met a fabulous man and they are now engaged.
BELIEVE
One of the most important
things you need to do is to believe that you can have
fun, exciting, interesting dates. You must believe that
the best person is out there for you. If you hear any
doubt coming into your thoughts – release that
doubt. You can’t have what you want and need if
focus on doubt and resistance.
If you keep believing, keep
working on yourself, hold strong boundaries and don’t
settle for someone that doesn’t work for you,
then you will meet the best person.
So set your intention, keep
exploring, trust and receive.
imagine the possibilities…..
(c) 2004 Carol C. Chanel
For a complete transcript
of this article, please go to my website http://www.carolchanel.com
to the FREE STUFF page and read the article entitled:
“WHY MEN FEAR RELATIONSHIPS.”
>From Emma, a 48-year-old
interior decorator from Austin, Texas:
Q: “I
have been dating men who are my age or a little older
and I find them too old for me. I like younger men and
their higher energy levels. I don’t want them
too much younger but 5 years younger is perfect.
On my profile I have to put
my age and I don’t want to lie about it and I
also don’t want to get put into a certain category.
I don’t look my age and I feel like I’m
21!
What should I do?”
A: An ethical
dilemma is always challenging. You are right that you
don’t want to start off a dating relationship
with a lie. And yet you can’t date men that don’t
work for you.
Why don’t you put the
age range of the men you want in your profile. Take
charge that way.
Many emotionally mature men
don’t care about age. Unless they want very young
women or older rich women. And those aren’t your
type of men anyway.
Your picture shows that you
are youthful, healthy, attractive, in great shape. Your
profile can be rewritten to reflect that you truly are
young in spirit and body.
Now, I want you to reflect
on something else. Stuffy, uptight, boring, low energy
men (and women too) come in all ages, sizes and shapes.
So perhaps instead of focusing
on age, you might want to focus on health, activity
level, passion for life, living their life purpose and
emotional health. Then age won’t matter.
I know plenty of young 50
and 60 year olds and low energy, inactive 30 and 40
year olds.
I recommend that you join
a good health club, biking or hiking club. How about
taking some photography classes and planning an active
vacation with a group like Backroads?
Go to where active men are
and then let their good energy, emotional health and
integrity be your guide.
Happy Dating!!
This book is a must for everyone
who wants to have a life filled with love, kindness,
beauty, abundance, purpose, health and harmony.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has done it
again. When he writes a book on a subject, you get so
immersed in the subject and the information pertaining
to the subject that you can’t help but shift your
perspective and change your life.
“THE POWER OF INTENTION”
by Wayne Dyer will help you bring what you want and
need into your life.
I’ve read dozens of
books on manifesting and never have I read anything
so complete and useful as this book.
As it relates to dating and
relationships, he has a chapter on “Attracting
Ideal People and Divine Relationships.”
Here’s the quote that
opens the chapter:
“The moment one definitely
commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts
of things occur that would otherwise have never occurred…unforeseen
incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no
man could have dreamed would have come his way.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Here’s another quote
by Dr. Dyer:
“Once you’ve formed
a picture in your mind of the person or people that
you intend to show up in your immediate life space,
and you know how you want them to treat you and what
they’ll be like, you must be what it is that you’re
seeking. This is a universe of attraction and energy.”
This book goes to the top
of my list of recommended reading for my clients.
Please buy it and read it
today. Your life will change.
I help people get unstuck
and find happiness and fulfillment.
As human beings we sometimes
forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and
souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off
and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
People come to me generally
with some issue, some place in their life where they
are stuck, and can't move forward. Usually they get
stuck in their relationships, life purpose or trying
to maintain balance.
Do you know someone who is
settling, for less than exciting, either in their relationships
or career?
Ask them to call me. They
don't have to be stuck! And once they are unstuck they
can fly -- and be wild and free!
I've been helping people really
live and thrive since 1983.
If you would like to explore
working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
You can visit my website at:
http://www.carolchanel.com
You'll find other articles
there and more in-depth information about both me and
my services.
Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach
http://www.carolchanel.com
mailto: carolchanel@verizon.net
310-998-8860
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