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RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAGS
Most
of us have read about red flags in a relationship.
They are signs that tell us this person may be
hazardous to our hearts. You know you’re
heading for trouble if you’re dating a man
who is an addict, married, committed to his job,
unavailable emotionally or physically, abusive,
angry, unkind, broke, etc. Knowing the red flags
can help you know what to avoid. And we all need,
from time to time, outside guidance to know what
to avoid, until we learn what doesn’t work
for us.
Recently
one of my clients said, “Okay so I get what
doesn’t work. What does work?”
Great question. Let’s look at the signs
that tell us to go ahead and continue the relationship.
Also by looking at the green flags, you’re
putting yourself in a positive frame of mind and
a positive energy field to attract what you do
want. Focus on the positive.
15
Green Flags
Feeling
good about yourself – when you’re
with him you feel good about yourself. You like
yourself.
Laughter
– you both laugh when you’re together
because you’re having fun. He can laugh
at himself when he makes a mistake, which means
he’s healthy and he’ll allow your
mistakes.
Outside
Friends and Interests – he supports
you in maintaining your friends and interests
and he maintains his. This is crucial and shows
you he’s healthy and wants you to have your
own life too.
Good
manners – opening your car door,
letting you go through the door first, eating
like a gentleman – using a fork and knife,
knowing when to tip, polite to wait staff
Introduces
you to his friends and family –
at an appropriate time interval. Not the first
week, maybe the 2nd month of dating for friends
and the 4th – 6th month for family.
Shows
you he cares– he’s not a
word only guy. He actually shows you. Remember
the old axiom: “actions speak louder than
words.”
Passion
and Romance – you have the same
level of interest. For example, if you love candlelight
dinners, he’s willing to enjoy them too;
and you’re willing to enjoy whatever his
version of romance is. Passion - keep it going.
He
pays – for dinners and other treats.
Men like to pay. It doesn’t mean you can’t
treat him to a lunch or something, but men show
you how they feel about you when they pay and
they like how it makes them feel.
Communicates
about his activities – he lets
you know what he’s up to. So you know whether
he’s with other women or with his male friends
at a ballgame or at a bar.
Healthy
– emotionally, physically, spiritually.
He takes care of himself emotionally, physically
and spiritually.
Likes
his job – he likes it and has fun
with it.
Likes
his mother and sisters (if any) –
he’s got a healthy respect for them.
Respects
you – he shows you he respects
you by the things he does, like paying; opening
your car door; if you drive separately to the
restaurant, he not only pays for the meal, but
also for the valet parking and the tip. He asks
for and listens to your point of view and wants
your ideas on things.
Trusts
you – he believes you when you
tell him you’re going on a girls weekend
to a spa, or when you say you can’t go out
or even call him back because you have to work
on a big project. He gets it and realizes you
need to take care of yourself.
Loves
you – men want to love and cherish
the woman they’re with. It makes them feel
good about themselves.
Can
you have all those things in one man? YES!!!!
Absolutely. And please don’t settle for
less.
Set
your intention. Prioritize the green flags any
way you want to and don’t exclude any.
Choose
to attract this awesome man into your life. Choose
to allow yourself to have a glorious committed
relationship with this man.
imagine
the possibilities...
©
Carol Chanel
From
Heather a 31-year-old customer service Mmanager
for a large multinational corporation headquartered
in New York City
Q:
Carol, I keep meeting and dating men who are unavailable.
Why is this happening? I want to settle down and
have a family at some point. First I want to meet
a wonderful man and form a strong relationship
with him. Why do these unavailable men keep coming
into my life?
A:
First Heather lets look to see where
you might not be available. If they are coming
into your world then there is a reason they are
being attracted to you.
If
you are scared, or have had a bad experience and
haven’t resolved it, then you might be unconsciously
protecting yourself and keeping an available man
away.
If
that’s not the case, and if you are really
ready, then perhaps it’s that you are not
reading the “unavailable” signals
quickly enough. Some men are pretty clever but
most will tell you very soon if they aren’t
available. You must listen and believe them.
So
you now know what constitutes unavailable –
married, other girlfriend, not interested in a
committed relationship, moving to another state,
striving to be at the top of his field.
So
what does available look and sound like? He’s
not involved with anyone else. He’s not
nursing a broken heart. He is open, trusting,
balanced in work and play. He lives within 30
minutes or so of you. He makes plans to see you
regularly and follows through on those plans.
He calls regularly. He’s a good guy.
Look
at the list I wrote in the main article. That
is the kind of man you want to attract. Don’t
for a moment think you can change a man who doesn’t
want to commit. You can’t. Don’t think
you can help him get over the other woman. You
can’t. Don’t think you can convince
him not to move for his job. You can’t.
Men decide these things on their own, at their
own pace.
So
pay very close attention to their words and actions.
And if you get a sense of not available -- run!!!
Very fast.
I want
you to set an intention to attract an available
man. It will sound something like, “It’s
my intention to attract a perfect man for me who
is emotionally and physically available, who when
I’m with him I feel gorgeous, loved, cherished,
nurtured, valued and happy!” Put it in your
own words.
Open
the space for the available men and choose which
one feels best and don’t settle. You don’t
have to. Have fun with this process. You’ll
meet lots of wonderful men to choose from. Happy
Dating Heather!
I had
almost forgotten about this book until I rediscovered
it last week cleaning my bookshelf. It’s
a powerful book that will guide you to love.
“The
Path to Love” by Deepak Chopra.
Here’s
an edited version of the description written on
the back of the book:
Blending
Eastern wisdom with Western practicality, Deepak
guides you to clear away the obstacles to love
in your life, gives you strategies for restoring
love and for finding romance that will last a
lifetime.
It
will also guide you to self-love as a starting
place. He gives you a blueprint to your own heart.
And from that place you will see and experience
love everywhere.
Enjoy
this wonderful book!
I teach
people to disconnect from the 5 major obstacles
that keep them stuck in worn-out relationships
or falling for the same disastrous person, again
and again.
Many
people think they have to settle for safety and
companionship instead of love, passion and freedom.
We
sometimes forget what it feels like to live from
our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of
taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull
if we just live from our minds.
Are
you - or someone you know - settling, for less
than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call
me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are
unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If
you would like to explore working with me, please
call me at 310-998-8860.
You
can visit my website at:
http://www.carolchanel.com
You'll
find other articles there and more in-depth information
about both my services and me.
Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach
http://www.carolchanel.com
mailto: carolchanel@verizon.net
310-998-8860
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